


fireworks end as soon as they begin

by ptrchrl



Category: SB19 (Band)
Genre: Angst, Author Is Sleep Deprived, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Beta Read, Tags Are Hard, idk what i'm doing at 3am, some fluff ig
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-17
Updated: 2020-12-17
Packaged: 2021-03-10 21:14:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28133748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ptrchrl/pseuds/ptrchrl
Summary: Ken watched as fireworks lit up the night sky. Right then and there, he remembered the love Josh made him feel: bright, sudden, and overwhelming, but short-lived, in the way that leaves you bewildered by the time it's gone.
Relationships: Josh Cullen Santos/Felip Jhon Suson | Ken
Comments: 11
Kudos: 14





	fireworks end as soon as they begin

**Author's Note:**

> this was inspired by a prompt of @kiminotoriken. check them out on twitter and ao3, they have amazing works!
> 
> this is my take on the prompt (grim, i think)
> 
> wrote this under an hour so fight me

Ken watched as fireworks lit up the night sky. Right then and there, he remembered the love Josh made him feel: bright, sudden, and overwhelming, but short-lived, in the way that leaves you bewildered by the time it's gone.

It started easily enough with a “hi”, with Josh saying he was a fan of Ken’s. It was hard to believe at first--- he didn’t do much except gigs in small bars and small, pre-concert performances--- but after a few more times of performing in different bars in the same area, Ken had learned to look for his face in the crowd. And there he was always, sitting alone with a drink in hand, solemnly listening to whatever song for the brokenhearted he was playing.

“Have you ever tried playing happy songs before?” Josh asked him once as he unwinded after a set. They’ve known each other for a month that Ken could tell he wasn’t anything but a dedicated fan of his, which he himself found bewildered at. 

Ken shrugged. “Never passed my thoughts. And besides, everyone says my voice is suited for low and slow songs.”

There was a moment of silence. The ice in Josh’s glass clinked against the surface as he craned his head for a chug. Ken watched in the corner of his eye, mildly interested in the way Josh’s Adam’s apple bobbed.

“I don’t think so,” Josh said with an air of finality, using the back of his hand to wipe his lips. “I think any song suits you.”

It was their first New Year that he sang a cheery, little song at a pub. He can see Josh under the dim lights as the noise of fireworks popping outside grew louder. Ken smiled embarrassedly when he played a wrong chord, lost in staring at Josh’s pretty smile.

“You were amazing,” Josh nudged his arm as he went down the stage, “I mean, as always.”

“Do you want to get a drink with me?” Ken blurted out before his brain could catch up with his mouth. Josh blinked at him. Before Ken could get any more flustered, he chuckled.

“Sure. We’re already at a pub though.”

“Oh, right.” Ken mentally smacked himself at that.

“Maybe a movie then? I know a good one showing at the cinema near here.”

There started movie nights every Friday, where Ken learned to schedule his gigs around because he knew that at five his phone would ring with Josh’s incoming call, and he never wanted to miss a moment without him.

A few months from then, it was obvious something was happening between them. It may be too early to call it love, but Josh said it first.

“I love you,” Josh whispered to him as they lay on the hotel bed, fully clothed, “I’m sorry, but I do.”

Ken took Josh’s face into his hands carefully, as if he’s holding something fragile. And to him, he was. He became his world in a matter of months. Late night messages made him think it was nothing but a friendship running deep, when in fact it was something much deeper. He has fallen in love at a speed not even light can compare to. He had gladly let himself fall without noticing, about to crash in a moment’s notice, but he didn’t care. It was for Josh, and he didn’t know who else it could’ve been but Josh alone.

“I love you too,” Ken whispered back, almost reverently. Their lips touched and it was like fireworks had exploded in his brain. And that’s how he has always felt about Josh. Bright, sudden, and overwhelming.

And they were happy. It was like a honeymoon period with no end. Waking up to the sight of Josh stretching his arms and kissing his forehead, watching him laugh as he watched some comedy show on TV. Letting him get away with getting a dog just because Ken liked seeing him smile, and spending moments in bed, in flaming passion or in quiet adoration.

But, as fireworks were bursts of light that end in a single glimpse, Josh was suddenly not there with him.

It took him quickly, the sickness. IV lines stick into his skin as he lay in pale, white sheets. Ken couldn’t help but cry silently as he saw how Josh progressively grew weaker and thinner by each week that passed. He tried to be strong. He brought Friday movie nights into his hospital room, brought their little Pomeranian Tiktok to cheer him up a bit. 

The worst part was, when it all ended, Ken didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye.

He was lost for months. He was in denial, screaming at anyone who dared to approach him with words of reassurance. Bargaining that Josh wasn’t real, that he was a figment of his imagination, a soulmate who didn’t exist. But the traces in their apartment were vivid and hard to forget, just like how blinding the light of fireworks may be.

He wept and cried for his other half. His witty and charismatic Josh, who had the most charming smile and alluring gaze. His Josh, who didn’t deserve to die as much as he did, and yet, succumbed under the relentless attack of disease.

But he’s learned to accept that maybe, that’s just what they were meant to have. Just a few months of happiness, just a few months of comfort and safety in each other’s arms. In the short time Ken has known him, Josh made him feel like he was on top of the world. The only thing he regretted was not being able to marry him before he met his end.

As he watched the fireworks come and go, Ken couldn’t help but chuckle at his misfortune. They didn’t even make it to a year, and yet, six months seemed enough. He lived his lifetime in those months, and he couldn’t ask for anything more than to feel Josh’s arms around him again.

Ken looked down at the passing cars of the bustling city. Soon, he told himself, soon. He almost lost his balance as he neared the edge. 

Bright, sudden, and overwhelming, but short-lived, this was now how Ken wanted people to remember him by, if anyone would. There was only one thing he had yet to experience in life: how does it feel like to be a firework in the sky?

He took a leap. Maybe then, he’d find his answer.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are appreciated. :)


End file.
